Ancestral Pilgrimage: Intentions

I rose with the dawn chorus this morning, ritually bathed and dressed, and finished the last bits of packing. I walked the ten minutes to Magic Creek in the woods and made the last prayers and offerings before departure to the spirits of the land where I live now, and to my ancestors of blood and path.

The last several months, and truly, years, have been bringing me steadily and certainly to this moment. Today I depart the continent of my birth and fly in the great metal bird across the big waters which my ancestors sailed, all the way to the land of their births. For at least a decade I’ve been reckoning with what it means to be a descendant of relatively recent European settler colonists to these lands of Turtle Island. I’ve wondered what it was that compelled them to leave their homelands, and what is my spirit work as someone who understands that their arrival here came and still comes through the lens of colonial violence. Oh the complexity.

The last two and a half decades have been fraught with a sense of orphan trauma and longing for the intact cradle to grave culture known by people who belong, and have belonged to a place through generations of relationship. I’ve read, prayed, searched, made new moon magic, attended five years of school at Bolad’s Kitchen with Martin Prechtel, and designed and taught my own material about all of this deep and pervasive yearning.

Now as the aircraft rises, on the breath of the Goddess, in this moment, taking me up from the ancestral lands of the Multnomah, Klackamas, and Tualatin Kalapuya people, at the confluence of the Willamette and Columbia Rivers, I know absolutely that I am on this journey of Ancestral Pilgrimage and I belong in this world of magic.

From Portland to San Francisco to Frankfurt to Poznan, Poland it will take me forty hours to arrive.

This journey has been a dream in the making and still feels surreal in so many ways. I have all these different feelings co-existing inside of myself. I didn’t think it would truly happen and yet here I am being guided by the ancestors themselves. I have so many questions, wonders, fears and hopes… Am I prepared enough? What about my work? What about all that I haven’t completed? Did I bring the right things? What if I can’t find my people? What if…? And who will I have become upon my return?

All these questions and more saturate my senses and thoughts as I breathe and ground into all of what has transpired to bring me this far.

And what has transpired has been an amazing alchemy of blessings, intuitions, mysterious turns and more… Having put out the call for support several months ago, I’ve had nothing but enthusiastic response from my kin, communities, students, mentors, and of course the spirits and my ancestors themselves.

All of the hours of reading travel guides and blogs, and history, and figuring out what I needed and asking for what I needed, and attending to the rituals of departure have lain the pathway for my departure to Eastern Europe and strengthened my intentions in doing for the journey.

And I have three intentions for the journey.

The first is ancestral reconnection and remembering. In that,I am focusing on my maternal line for this journey and so will be spending about two weeks in Poland and two weeks in Croatia. I am fourth generation to Turtle Island through my Polish lineage and third generation through my Croatian lineage.  I’m intending to establish reconnection and re-membering in the dimension of time. I have researched the Jaskula and Pijut lines through the few records I have and through ancestry sites including the Poznan Project. I am steadily recovering generational connections.

I am planning to search for my living relatives, my ancestors’ graves, to find and visit pre-Christian pagan holy places, and also some archeological sites where evidence of early hominid people and Iron Age people made their homes. I will set my senses to the landscape, drink of the waters, find guidance in the winds and silence and reawaken that which is alive yet dormant in my bones and blood. There is so much more embedded in this intention, and I’ll reveal more as the journey unfolds.

My second intention includes the understanding from recent dreams where my grandmothers came to see me, and told me that this journey would also be a rite of passage, an initiation of sorts. It was a year ago, on the summer solstice full moon when I had my last blood time. Now, in the heart of this Pilgrimage, I’ll have my thirteenth moon of no blood time. It’s has been an interesting year of transition. I’ve felt confused about the changes in my body, senses, and relationship to the rhythms and contents of my magic.

Here I am in this liminal space of beyond biological reproduction and not yet old enough or wise enough to be a crone. The grandmothers came and told me that I would receive what I needed to move through this time on this journey. They assured me that they would deliver me to the learning and it would find a home in me as I will find home in these lands.

My third intention is more local, more personal, yet not less important. It is to metabolize the complex emotions, anger in particular, still alive in my body from a recent breakup/relationshift with a sweetheart. We were together in spirit far before we ever dated or kissed, and we were woven for over two years. We broke up three weeks ago and it was the right decision. I’m steady in my grieving, and that is because I did most of it before we parted ways. It is the anger towards them and myself which needs to be worked through if I’m to come back into community kinship with them. I trust this will move as I move with the waters.

So I set myself to these intentions, embraced by all the tapestry of blessings I have received from family and friends and the Naraya Dance for all people, which I attended from June 7-12 in southern Oregon.

The blessings from all, including my landmates last night, have been rich, diverse, creative and generous. They are woven around me, they are flowing through my veins, and they are a spirit line from one home to another. What I know to be true is that I do this for myself, my families, my ancestors and kinship circles in order to bring the gifts back.

I’m going to be moving in surrender to spirit’s will and in faith that no matter what happens, I will receive exactly what I need to come back and show up in this time of Great Unraveling and Turning. This Pilgrimage will bring me back to alignment, purpose, and vision for stepping into my Guardian Warrior Witch self.

There is so much to consider and act upon if we are together to dismantle Empire and bequeath a living world full of justice, healing and liberation to the ones to come.

And so I’m listening. I’m ready. I’m open.

I have so much gratitude for all the support: practical, material, and magical. Thank you to the many many supporters and believers.

My ancestors have been telling me that they are excited for me to come home. That they are ready too.

Please forgive typos  and so forth. I’m writing on a tablet..

More soon and all blessings.

~ by rain crowe on June 14, 2017.

2 Responses to “Ancestral Pilgrimage: Intentions”

  1. i love all of this, especially about your moons of no blood. I also have vision of going back to Mexico to spend more intentional time there with blood family and blood memory.

  2. Thank you. Dance on ❤

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